Saturday (1)

I am opening a new thread titled "Saturday" containing some of my Saturday thoughts...


IF YOU THINK FOOTBALL FANS ARE BAD…
A large chess tournament was held in New York City. The matches were held in a conference room in a hotel. The chess buffs arrived early at the hotel each day. They would gather in the entry way and talk with fellow chess fans. Mostly, they would talk about how well they played the previous day. Or they would try to intimidate their opponents by mentioning secret moves. A few days into the tournament, the hotel manager shooed all of the chess players away. He said he had had enough of chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

TALK ABOUT A SURPRISE!
A couple decided to go out to eat at a Chinese restaurant. After looking over the menu, they both decided to have Chicken Surprise, the chef's special. The waiter brought their meal in a lidded pot. As the wife reached for the lid, it rose a few inches. She could see two beady eyes looking out before the lid slammed down. Startled, she asked her husband if he had seen the eyes. Just then, the lid rose again, revealing the two eyes before slamming down again. Perturbed, the couple called over the waiter and explained the situation. "I apologize," he said, "I mistakenly brought you the Peeking Duck."

MAY I HAVE ANOTHER DRUMSTICK, PLEASE?
There was a turkey farmer who liked to experiment. He hoped that one day his tests would lead to bigger, tastier turkeys. His family particularly liked the drumsticks. There were never enough legs to go around. So, he decided to breed a turkey with six legs. Finally, after many attempts, he was successful. He was telling one of his neighbors about the turkey. The neighbor asked how the turkey tasted. "I don't know," said the farmer. "I wasn't able to catch it!"

THIS SOUNDS LIKE A STICKY SITUATION
A deacon was counting the money in the church's collection plate. He soon noticed a strange thing. Many of the bills were sticking together. When he examined the, he saw that there was no sticky residue. They clung together as if they were held by magnets. So, he decided to show them to the minister. But the minister wasn't impressed. In fact, he said, that situation occurred frequently. "These are the tithes that bind," he explained.

[setanta]

Dont give up the day job

huh? What you mean? I thought I was thinking outside the box...

THE PUNISHMENT FITS THE CRIME
There was an old coal miner who loved to paint. Sadly, he could not afford canvases. But he found a solution. He would paint on the walls of his house. They soon became covered with his paintings. One day, a group of wayward youths broke in and defaced the paintings. The youths were soon apprehended and arrested for corrupting the murals of a miner.

A GENETIC EXPERIMENT GOES AWRY
A veterinarian was also an amateur geneticist. One day, one of his experiments paid off. He successfully combined the DNA of a cantaloupe with that of a dog. The result was a small, round dog with orange-tinted fur.
For many years, the dog was happy. But over time, he became lethargic and morose. The vet tried everything to cure the dog's depression. Eventually, he decided to take the dog to a pet psychiatrist. The psychiatrist told the veterinarian not to worry. The dog was just a little melon collie.